I’m not normally a reader of Slashdot. However, a good friend alerted me to a string of posts entitled, “Preserving the memories of a loved one”.
A man wanting to preserve memories of his dying wife started a thread asking for advice. The comments provide a wonderful/awful example of how complicated dealing with end of life can be (Please scroll down the page and you'll see 472 entries.)
Most responses suggest specific tasks:
That the wife create a video blog, write letters to the children or preserve a handprint in clay;
That the husband hire someone to do a video interview, compile a genealogical map, create a death mask or preserve some of the wife’s DNA.
Others recommend a completely different approach, suggesting that the husband focus on creating new memories with the wife while she is living. Some posts even suggest that the husband stop thinking about memory preservation and let the dying wife take the lead.
The posts resonated with the VoiceQuilt team because we have been involved with many end of life VoiceQuilts during the past few months. In some families, the VoiceQuilt is a "This is your life tribute"; in others, it is the dying person's final wishes and memories for those left behind.
In short, there are no easy answers. Each family copes with illness and loss in a unique way. There is no cookie-cutter recipe for dying well or helping someone else die well. We must all do the best we can, each step of the way, to honor our loved ones.
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